The Things We Learn from T.V.

So I took a little break from posting. It's been pretty hectic here, and most of what's been going on has just been annoying. Lots of teen stuff and refinancing the house stuff and why won't my bankruptcy clients pay me stuff -- although I suppose that's sort of an oxymoron there; since they ARE in bankruptcy, that should tell me they don't have any $$.

Anyway, my sister recently posted an entry about a show from the UK called Survivors and what she's learned from that show. Then she mentioned watching Criminal Minds and what she's learned from that show and that I had once posted all my recently-gleaned Supernatural nuggets of wisdom. I also included some Bones observations. It's amazing what we learn - or think we learn - from watching television!

I was trying to catch up on past seasons of Criminal Minds recently. I watched season 1 and part of season 2 before Christmas, then finished up season 2 in the first week of January. I finally had to take a "death" break after they showed an episode where a psychiatrist killed his patients by whatever their worst fear was: drowning, buried alive, burning, you get the picture. I decided during the break to watch one of my favorite UK comedies, Spaced. It's not too long and I will definitely keep it around for those times when I don't have anything else to watch or just need to watch something hysterical. Sort of like my go-to books for when I don't have anything else to read!

I've gotten back into finishing up with Criminal Minds. Let me just say that I NEVER simply pull into my garage now. I pull in, then turn around and scan the doorway while it's shutting just to make sure no serial killers slip in while I'm waiting for the door to shut. Then I always think, Wait a minute, if a serial killer were out to get me, he'd probably be in the house already, hiding, waiting for me to go to bed, and this tiny little door lock isn't going to save me. Thankfully, we live in Buckley where there's been one (1) murder in the past 100 years. And he probably deserved it for not paying his child support - who am I to judge?

This morning I was watching last week's Supernatural which, let's face it, we really don't watch for the plot, although it is admirable that they have one. It happened to be an episode where this inbred sister and brother team lived within the walls of this farmhouse, eating rats and killing adults who tried to live there. Alex was hanging out with me, and after a particularly disturbing scene where we learned the girl is not a ghost and is, in fact, HUMAN, I glanced at Alex who had a horrified look on her face. I volunteered to turn the channel, which she jumped at. She said something to the effect of this being the scariest show and why would I even watch it. Well, duh, Sam and Dean.
But this particular episode did bring to mind the CREEPIEST episode of the XFiles, Home. It was about this inbred clan who just kept inbreeding and also killed people when they weren't impregnating their mother. Hello. They also always played this song by Johnny Mathis called Wonderful, I think, and I know there are people out there who saw that episode and if they were to hear that song on the radio, would immediately think of that show.

Of all the demons Sam and Dean have fought and the aliens and weirdos Mulder and Scully encountered, why were the creepiest ones the inbreds?

Oh, also, today is Inauguration Day. Alex thought it would be awesome to be able to hang out and talk to a real Secret Service guy, while Samantha asked if dad could run for president so she could live in the White House. I told her she could mention it!

Our favorite Lady Vol

We had a great time at the basketball game in Spokane. Afterwards, we got some autographs, Pat Summitt, Jami Schaefer (of course) and her sister Angie. I'm sure the rest of the Tennessee team was thinking, What the hell? when they got to Spokane and it snowed like two feet in two days. But we sure appreciated them making the trip!

The cousins, as usual, loved staying at the hotel. We stayed at the Holiday Inn Express. They have a hotel dog who lays around the lobby letting people pet him, so you know the Fiedlers were thrilled. Samantha went swimming twice with her cousins, Max and Carter. When we pulled up to the hotel to check in, she said, "I hope they have cookies." We walked in the door, saw the dog, Kip, and yes, huge sugar cookies. A great time was had by all!

Winter traveling...

Ugh. Tomorrow, bright and early, we are taking off from Kalispell, heading to Spokane, the first leg in our trip home. I think for each year I get older, I get that much more anxious about traveling. Tomorrow should be a doozy. I don't even know how much snow Kalispell has, and Spokane has about the same, if not more. Eric practiced putting the chains on this morning, and I got the windshield fluid switched to the non-freezing kind. I'm expecting about a six-hour ride, the payoff being we get to go to the Tennessee/Gonzaga ladies basketball game, spend the night in a hotel, then do it all again the next day.

But I do remember fondly the days when I would hop in my little front-wheel drive tin can with a Diet Coke Big Swig and a king sized package of Twizzlers, maybe a bag or two of funsize Twix, around 5:00 in the afternoon and just drive until I was home.

Christmas was really nice. My biggest payoff was that I snuck and bought Alex the Samsung Gravity Lime phone she had sort of wanted back in November. We had decided not to get one, mainly because they were kind of expensive and that would have been pretty much the only thing she got for Christmas. Also, she wanted me to switch phone companies to Verizon, who apparently has cooler phones than T-Mobile. But when I checked into the current airtime plans, T-Mobile still has the best plans for us. (Also, I have a sentimental attachment to T-Mobile in that I was/am a big Jan Ulrich fan, who was a professional cyclist for the T-Mobile team - sue me, I can't help it, I miss him). Then I realized we got Eric's paycheck early, I still didn't have anything for Alex, and when I checked it out, T-Mobile did give me a discount.

She was SHOCKED. I had even been trying to prepare myself for the moment she opened her present from "Santa" and turned to me and said, "Oh, so I guess this means we don't get to switch to Verizon?" instead of looking all thrilled, which is what actually happened. It was totally cool. She spent the next four days texting her fool head off, which was okay because I was happy she was so happy. But I did have to mention to her that when I see a family in, say, Target and the daughter is walking along behind the rest texting, I always think to myself, "Ugh, nice family." So what I wanted from her is to please keep that in mind in the future when the new phone is not the coolest thing in the universe.

Anyway, we are heading home tomorrow, which will be nice to have a few days before things start up again. Usually we hang here until the last minute, but with the basketball game in Spokane, we've been planning on being home for New Year's when, I can assure you, I'll be in my bed by at least 10:00. A far cry from the days of my youth...

Christmas Eve Angst

Today started out really nicely. My girls actually played Wii together and didn't fight. Then we headed to the mall for the Santa photo. Alex (my teenager) DID NOT want to get her picture taken. Samantha (my ultra-sensitive 7-year-old) DID NOT want to get her picture taken without Alex. Can you see where this is headed? Yes, well, we got a picture which may or may not include a scowling teenager barely peeking out from under her bangs.

Then came the real fun. The girls were supposed to go to the movie with their cousins, Carter and Max. Alex, I think, honestly didn't feel great (I think too much greasy pizza for lunch and too much teen attitude could do that to a person). I decided to give her a pass on the movie and let her go home and rest it out. See, Samantha's two cousins (albeit BOYS) were going to the movie also, and I still had two or three errands to run. Well, one thing led to another, and I ended up AT THE MOVIE with all four kids. I decided maybe two hours in a dark room might be just what I needed.

The movie improved my mood somewhat, but I was quickly reminded in the car on the way home of the lovely Christmas sentiments NOT floating around me all day, which threw me right back into a funk. I stewed about it for awhile as I wrapped presents, thinking to myself that, face it, I just am not a Christmas fan. Never really have been, and today certainly hadn't helped. Plus, I didn't get my errands done, so there were three potential presents out there that didn't make it home with me.

We went to church, which was okay. Both girls had seemed to be able to let it go and move on, so I decided to do the same. We came home, nothing special, two different kinds of leftovers for dinner. We had intended to hold a Wii bowling tournament, but never got around to it. We all just sort of ended up vegging out in the living room. The girls both opened a present, and they actually worked on Sam's present together.

I've never been the kind of person to have a grand scheme for how Christmas should go. Some years I decorate, some years not so much. I am reminded of a T.V. show called Roswell from a few years back, one of their Christmas episodes, where Isabel was nicknamed "The Christmas Nazi" and had a whole planner just for Christmas. She even had measurements and specifications on what the perfect tree should be. So this Christmas may not end up being the perfect, beautiful, be-all, end-all Christmas some people plan for. All I know is that even though I didn't get those other presents and even though parts of today definitely SUCKED, when it came right down to it and I just let it all melt away, we had a really nice evening. Knock on wood for tomorrow...

Clearing off my phone

From Jana:

There's not a snowball's chance in a cat scanner. (Big Bang Theory)

We have monkey. (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

We risk losing the medical officer our landing party needs. (BBT)


From Alex:

The Godzilla clause? No, that's only if she destroys Tokyo. (BBT)

So in your world, you guys are the cool ones? Recognize. (BBT)

This is banana bread. This is a doorknob. (BBT)

Queen Penelope AFK. (BBT)

Go ahead, eat it. I dare you. (BBT)

I will open my present, then excuse myself due to digestion problems, look up her present online and choose the basket closest to her gift's price. (BBT)

Yeah, Sheldon, just do what Leonard did and get Penny a new boyfriend. (BBT)

From Me:

Aren't you supposed to be at work? I don't work on Mondays. It's Thursday. (BBT)

Well played, Penny. (BBT)

Penny, with great power comes great responsibility. Understood. (BBT)

Would you like to join me in a spirited day of questing, followed by a flagon of ale at yon pub? (BBT)

So what brings you to my little slice of hell? (BBT)

I have three words for you, Wrath of Khan. (BBT)

Not many women can look as hot as you do with such greasy hair... (BBT)

Normally I'm not turned on by big teeth, but on you, they work. (BBT)

Boy, you'd think you could trust a horde of Hungarian barbarians. (BBT)

Colmanaprocil - may cause dizziness, sexual nightmares and sleep crime. (30 Rock)

Supernatural words of wisdom: Always take down your Christmas decorations after New Years or you might get fileted by a hooker from god.

It's just understood that he is hot. You actually don't even have to say it. You can just say, "David Beckham," and people think, "Ahh, yeah." It's almost that he's too hot to even say it anymore. He's transcended the word hot.



Alex and I have started this sort of game in the car lately. We'll text each other Big Bang Theory quotes back and forth. It's pretty cool, for those of you who might not think so! So I have gotten less picky about keeping quotes on my phone, since we'll probably be texting them again soon.

Weekend Update

So after three snow days in a row, we were able to finally leave early on Friday and made it to Spokane in one piece. We would have actually left earlier, but the slack-asses at Walmart made buying two new tires into a two-hour ordeal for me. I have never seen four grown men, two overweight, two extremely not intelligent looking, do so much aimless wandering around. I seriously doubt they were entirely confident in what they were doing. When I finally left, I was even less confident in my car, until I drove on ice and could feel the difference.

Anyway, we had a really nice time in Spokane hanging out with the relatives. Aside from some unfortunate football (Grizzlies losing by a ton), a great time was had by all in the record-setting snowfall. It's such a blessing to have relatives, almost exactly half-way from Buckley to Kalispell, who we love spending time with. It cuts the trip nicely and we get to catch up with more family.

We left the next morning around 11:00 for Kalispell and decided to skip the passes (4th of July and Lookout) and head up through Sandpoint, Bonner's Ferry, Troy and Libby. A usual four-hour trip took six. It sucked and the driving was stressful, but we did get to see quite a few bald eagles, which is always amazing. This time they weren't busy eating dead dear, just floating nicely above the river...

There's a ton of snow in Kalispell - should be some great sledding later this week when it warms up! Watch out Hill of Death. That actually brings up sort of an ironic story. In Buckley when it snows, the kids grab sleds and run over to the cemetery where there are some slight inclines to sled down. At my mom's house in Kalispell, there's a humongous hill, aka The Hill of Death, and my brother-in-law has a four-wheeler he uses for pulling the kids back up the hill. Alex was sort of whining about having to spend all her vacation in Kalispell away from her friends and how she would miss out on sledding in Buckley. I made fun of her for choosing an incline over THOD. Then I sort of chuckled and said, Actually, it could be said that you like sledding on the Slight Incline of Death in Buckley, which is also ironic, being that it's an actual hill of DEAD people. Our neighbor told us that yes, once in a while you may hit a tombstone, but they don't hurt that badly.

Today's Post is not about Celtic Thunder!!

Surprise! I actually have something to talk about besides the Celtic Thunder concert! My brother, (who, incidentally, is in Iraq and has just been awarded the Bronze Star, which, apparently, they pass out like party favors over there - NOT - he's just trying to make it seem like less of a big deal), has been getting updates from his wife about his daughter's basketball career. So I had to send him an update about both of my daughters and their careers. So I thought I'd rehash it here, since it's fresh in my mind.

Alex is a starter on her middle school varsity team. While her team is not very good (I think it's safe to say they are probably in the bottom four in the league - we'll see tonight - could be bottom three), they have been steadily improving. My sister in Montana discovered that there is going to be a basketball clinic in Kalispell the day after we get there, run by the people who run the NBC camps, which if you count among your successes a pair of sisters who now play for Gonzaga and Tennessee, who faithfully attended the NBC camps, I'd say your track record is pretty decent. I was so excited to let Alex know the good news - she could attend the clinic in Kalispell! Great news. Except, no. What she said was, (and I quote, which is easy for me, being that I am a VERBATIM court reporter) "You mean I have to play basketball during my break?" That got me to thinking.

You know, if there's one thing that should be easy to teach your kids, it's about regrets. I will always regret that I quit playing basketball (especially since I was actually really good, second high point next to Mary Ann Andrews, who, let's face it, nobody could touch) in the 8th grade to try out for - wait for it - THE DRILL TEAM. HELLO. Where were my parents? And I didn't even make the drill team, thankfully. I'm sure I'd be wanting to kill myself had I MADE it. My family sort of went the opposite way that a lot of families do, I think. I was the first child, and my parents didn't have a clue what I was up to most of the time. I'll never forget when I was a senior and I brought home my grades and my mom said, "You're taking Calculus?" See, back then, there were only probably two classes of 10 my senior year that took calculus. It was kind of a big deal. I was an adequate student and a fairly responsible kid, so it really wasn't a big deal that my parents didn't take a bigger interest in what I was up to. By the time my sister came along, my mom knew what homework was due when and when all the quizzes and tests were.

But I digress. I will always regret that I quit playing basketball, and I wish there were a way to stress how cool it would be to be really, really good at it.

Samantha's team, I'm afraid, is not going to be very good at all. While she is probably the second best player on the team, she's a sensitive little girl. This is a co-ed league. And while I appreciate that we get really good coaches who teach kids not to travel and to dribble, there is always a thug on the teams we are playing who learns he can just grab the ball and run. Then there is usually also one boy on the other team (ours included) who has some skills and can run fast, dribble and makes most of his shots. But watching Samantha during practice, they will have her bring the ball down the floor. She will get about ten feet from half court and pass the ball off to the other kid. It's like she doesn't want the ball when they get past half court where all the other kids are.

In a way, I think it will be easier for Samantha to end up being really good at most everything Alex does. Alex is pretty good at the sports she participates in, and Samantha gets dragged along to watch. So she sees that it is cool that Alex is good. I just wish Alex wanted to be better. But I guess that's something she'll have to teach her kids someday, which they probably won't listen to either.

Celtic Thunder hangover

Ever since the concert, I find I'm listening to some of the songs I used to sort of skip over to get to my favorites. Now that I've seen them performed live, it's piqued my interest. Needless to say, CT is the only thing playing in my car lately, aside from yesterday when Alex grabbed the ipod and played some sort of rap thing, which was okay, but not when all I want to listen to is CT. It's like the last song you listen to in the car TOTALLY stays in your head all day until you get in your car and listen to a different song. Then that one stays in your head until the next time. It's a vicious cycle, really.

Today driving Samantha to school, we were listening to one of Damien's songs, and she said, Oh, is this Damien? I said, Yes, you know your Celtic Thunder. After a minute or so, she says, Turn it off! I don't want to listen to music! I got a little mad and said, This is my car, and I do! She said, No, if I listen to this, it gets stuck in my head all day. I said, This kind of music will probably help you at school, it's that good. She said, No, yesterday I almost couldn't write because all I could hear was that song. The thing is I know what she's talking about, so I did turn it off for her. Oh, well.

Celtic Thunder

I've seen dozens of concerts in my lifetime, and I can count the times on one hand where I honestly wouldn't have cared if the performers decided to come out and sing for two extra hours. Most of the time you hear the main hits and a few extras and think, Man, I'm tired. You participate in the encore clapping thing so you don't look like a wuss for wanting to go home early.

For Christmas this year, Jana and I decided to take our parents to the Celtic Thunder concert in Spokane on December 8th. Celtic Thunder is the male take on the Celtic Women concert show that plays on PBS all the time. They do show Celtic Thunder, although not as often as Celtic Women. Anyway, Celtic Thunder is made up of five awesome Irish singers. They sing a huge range of stuff, some Eagles, a lot of Irish classics, some Moody Blues, some Foreigner, even some Donny Osmond. They totally rule. We had the best time. Think a couple of EXTREMELY hot guys who can TOTALLY sing, a couple more REALLY good-looking guys who can TOTALLY sing, and a 16-year-old who one day is going to be GORGEOUS who can also TOTALLY sing. Then imagine they have these wicked accents. Now you know why my sister and I screamed ourselves hoarse while my parents, I'm sure, were sufficiently horrified, although transfixed by the awesome Irish guys singing away not 15 feet from where we were sitting. Merry Christmas to me...

Gonzaga v. UW, 11-16-08

What to do, what to do...

If you couldn't tell by my lack of posting the last week or so, I have been working a lot lately. I'm actually getting jobs done BEFORE the due date, which is more or less unheard of, but it's happening. I am staying on top of stuff like never before, partly because it's so nice to have a steady stream of work, and partly because I don't want to have to take a bunch of work to Montana for Christmas.

Right now I'm taking a break from a transcript that is due tomorrow, one that I will have out today. I've worked in bankruptcy court for 16 years now, so I feel like a pretty good judge of most of my regular attorneys. I can think of only a handful that I really don't like. I mean, I even like the one who wrote a nasty 5-page letter to the judges saying he shouldn't have to pay the $700 bill to us because his client can't pay him and that we shouldn't be allowed to require COD from him on future orders and that he was going to do everything in his power to get us removed from the job the next time the contract came up for rebid. That was probably ten years ago, and for some strange reason, I still kind of like him. I don't want to, but I know what kind of attorney he is and I do respect him.

The attorney I'm working for now is one who I did a transcript for last year, a particularly tricky job involving a Hawaiian bankruptcy and a debtor who owned multiple properties there, which were all referenced over and over, which I took the time to log on to the Hawaiian bankruptcy site and look up how to spell all of the attorneys from Hawaii and the addresses. She actually emailed me and told me I had done a beautiful job and that she had never seen such a nice 341 hearing transcript. So needless to say, she is at the top of my list as far as wanting to do a GREAT job for her.

My problem is this. She says in one part of the transcript that some declarations were signed by the people involved saying "unexplicitively and unequivocably" that they didn't knowingly withhold any emails. Now, I think most people not even involved in proof-reading (maybe I'm wrong) would know or at least think that "unexplicitively" is not a word. Not even close. Although unexplicitly is closer to a real word, and technically I could probably get away with leaving it that way, it's clearly not what she was meaning. I totally do not want to make this attorney feel dumb or anything, but in this new age of CD's and parties being able to order CD's and, if they so choose, compare the audio CD to my transcript and, also, if they so choose, make a stink about it to someone if I leave something out, we have to really be careful. But how ridiculous is that to think that someone, either someone representing someone who is close to losing everything or someone who is losing everything, would honestly take the time to order a CD for $26 and sit and compare it to my transcript? And even if they did, nothing hinges on that word anyway. It doesn't change a thing in the case. But we are supposed to transcribe VERBATIM, so it's really hard to let it go.

But thank you for letting me talk it through. I am waiting for a call from my "Ms. Lillian's" expert, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to just leave that word out. I do beautiful transcripts, after all!

UPDATE: I just spell-checked unequivocably, and that's not a word either. I decided to leave out unexplicitively and change unequivocably to unequivocally. Case closed.

What Samantha's been up to lately

A Really Cute Pirate Chick

I actually had these pictures printed up on photo paper and everything, since I was also printing one of Eric in Macbeth. I was looking through them and I thought, Why, she's just the cutest little pirate chick, why haven't I posted that on my blog? She still has Halloween candy left, by the way, which she taunts her dad with mercilessly.

This One's for Jana --

You THOUGHT you were the queen!

Text Messaging - Big Bang style

Now that the Big Bang Theory and 30 Rock are back with a vengeance, my phone is filling up with quotes every week.

FROM JANA:

There is mayonnaise on this grilled cheese - What?!? (30 Rock)

Live every day like it's Shark Week. (30 Rock)

I want to learn to text in my pocket. (After watching an especially impressive Burn Notice)

Michael Weston can do anything. So much cooler than MacGyver. (Same idea)

Shirtless adorable Brit alert! No pic. Sorry. (British soccer coaches who are housed with my sister, beware... this post, plus the one about stalking, should creep you out but good)

It's like the start of a joke: a Welshman, an Englishman and a Scotsman were playing poker... (which actually did happen at Jana's house last summer when she housed a Scottish soccer coach)

More cowbell!! (self-explanatory)

Kids suck. (This from a former kindergarten teacher, now a child's librarian.)

I just stalk people until they give in and become my friend. (Jana, explaining her friendship technique, which she actually is employing RIGHT THIS MINUTE to one lucky soccer mom in Kalispell, Montana -- not to scare anyone...)

What a newb. (Big Bang Theory)

We have monkey. (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

FROM ALEX:

Tracy Jordan dress for success: Dress every day like you're going to be murdered in those clothes. (30 Rock)

Carter, you have to learn to do things yourself... Carter, you have to learn to do things yourself... Carter, you have to learn to do things yourself... (Max Warnell, before his auntie yelled at him that she felt Carter either got the point or wasn't listening anyway)

I'm going to need the energy if I'm going to start blowing crap up. It's what the Founding Fathers would have wanted. (Jim Gaffigan - Beyond the Pale)

Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! (The Office)

I did not become a Lackawana County volunteer sheriff's deputy to make friends -- and I haven't. (The Office)

Haha. My favorite food at Thanksgiving is fun dip. (Again, a nugget of profoundness from Max Warnell.)

Haha. My charming smile is not creepy. It's warm and inviting. (Reba)

FROM ERIC:

Margaritas. (This pertains to the time last summer when Jana drank four margaritas in about a 45-minute time span and then puked on the lawn in front of her kids and my kids and our parents, all before, like 7:00 p.m.)

After reading over these texts, not many are from the Big Bang Theory. But I post older texts first, to clear off my phone. So my next texting post should be chock-full of BBT goodness.

Update

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted anything, I know. So let's get to it.

Eric, as you may have heard, has gone all thespian lately. He volunteered to star in MacBeth as Caithness, or as he'd be named in a more contemporary play, Soldier 3. He gets to yell, "Scotland, Scotland" and then die on stage in a sword fight. He absolutely loves it. I don't think this means he's going to be quitting his job to concentrate on his "craft", but he may volunteer again soon --

Alex made the varsity basketball team at her school. Her team is full of, basically, school-season basketball players, which doesn't bode well when you play, for instance, Enumclaw Middle School, which team has at least two players who play year-round with a team from Fircrest. (For those of you unfamiliar with this area, the high school in Fircrest is called Foss. For those of you unfamiliar with Foss, there is a large African-American population there. When Eric heard me telling someone these girls play year-round with a bunch of black girls, Eric called me a racist, but in terms of basketball, I think it totally makes a difference when you qualify it that way. Anyway, I'm from Montana and while I don't consider myself a racist, I am less politically correct than other people.) Although they didn't lose by 40 like Eric predicted, they did lose by 36. I don't think we have a lot to look forward to, i.e., the future of White River girls basketball. It's seems like every year around this time (her first basketball game) I start thinking to myself, "How in the hell did we end up playing year-round soccer?" Eric and I took Alex to EVERY SINGLE Federal Way Eagles girls basketball game from the time she was born. She was the ball girl for two or three years and took her job very seriously. I mean, neither of us had any interest in soccer before Alex. The whole reason she even started playing was because Eric approached this basketball coach in Federal Way and asked him if he wanted to help start up an AAU girls basketball team. Pete said that would be great, but right now they needed some more soccer players. And here we are.

Samantha is taking a jazz dance class on Wednesdays. They have two practices left. She loves it, but I would like to see a class with more dancing and maybe technique emphasis. This class is only eight weeks long and it's basically geared all towards the recital in December. Not that I have a lot of interest in having her become a dancer, but she still loves Dancing with the Stars, and when she sees those juniors dance, she always says she would love to ballroom dance, just not with boys.

As for me, I have actually had quite a bit of transcription work at home lately. Last week when I finished my last transcript, I started panicking and offering to work for people. I actually had a job set for Thursday, which I had to cancel because Thursday is Samantha's teacher conference. It's like the conferences happen once a year, and it just happens to be the time when I try to go take a job.

I always start November thinking that I'm going to finish up my Christmas shopping by the end of November. It never happens, and I don't think it's my fault. This November hasn't been a banner month for me for getting paid. I'm so broke right now it's ridiculous. Normally I'd be in a HUGE panic, but I have some really big invoices out right now and a lot of medium sized ones. I just need a few people to pay their bills and I should be fine. This is just something I've had to be used to my whole career, seeing as how I work mostly in bankruptcy court. There's a reason those people are there -- they have no money. Then there's always the gift card conundrum. I always start out with good intentions to get gifts and no gift cards this year. A gift as opposed to a card just feels more personal, even though who wouldn't like a gift card? But I'm sure by December 15th I'll be standing in line at Target with a fistful. Ugh, I'm not looking forward to Christmas, except for the going to Montana part!

This year the whole teenager thing has really started to rear its ugly head. Alex has complained quite a few times about not wanting to spend the whole vacation in Montana because "what if it snows here and I don't get to go sledding with my friends?" Um, excuse me. I know the main point of that statement is the friends part, but sledding here is basically a slight incline in the cemetery, whereas we have The Hill of Death at grandma's house, complete with Uncle's four-wheeler to haul your sorry asses back up the hill. Plus it usually snows here in January and February, not December. Anyway, the main point of this anecdote is the fact that our days of going to Montana for the whole break, I'm afraid, are numbered.

30 Rock and The Big Bang Theory

I think two of the coolest shows on T.V. right now are 30 Rock and The Big Bang Theory, in terms of the HILARIOUS quotes. The other day I happened to be watching 30 Rock on my computer, sitting right next to my stenograph machine, and not for the first time, I seriously considered typing it out while I watched it, just so I would have all the quotes already on my computer. I actually sent my sister maybe three texts and then realized that at the rate they were going, I hadn't even watched five total minutes from the show. It would take my forever to watch a 22 minute episode AND text all the hysterical quotes at the same time. Seriously, if you haven't seen them, now is the time to get caught up. And from the way 30 Rock has been going, this looks to be a stellar year. Now if they'd only bring back Dennis Duffy, since he's not been doing much on Terminator 2... I would include some youtube videos of either show, but they're not embeddable, of course, so you just have to be curious to go find them yourself or start watching!

Text Messages

From Jana:

Alcohol? This smells just like hill people milk. I've been drinking this since I was a baby! (30 Rock)

Of all my days of watching girls puke, Daisy may be the hottest. ~ Bret Michaels

Shirtless soccer player - yum. (In reference to the UK soccer coaches who visited Kalispell last summer.)

I am a bit concerned that I am running around smelling like cat pee. (In reference to the time they left the cat in for the weekend and she's an outdoor cat who is not used to a litter box, so she went on my sister's bed instead, ALL WEEKEND.)

Tell me if this is rock-bottom - shopping in the plus size section at WalMart.

BTW, Shirtless Silas - not bad. (In reference to Weeds.)

When I say Subway, you say Hero! (30 Rock)

What we need around here is an anti-whining ordinance. (News Radio)

Suck it, monkeys! I'm going corporate. (30 Rock)

I don't know if Michael meant to punish me by putting Ryan back here with Kelly, but if he did ... Genius. (The Office)

From Me:

Unless you're planning on running a marathon, choosing both stuffing and mashed potatoes is a starch-filled redundancy. (Big Bang Theory)

No sank yew. (To Alex -- she used to say this ALL the time when she was little)

Hmm, Elizabeth Hasselback lost her baby weight without even dieting. I'm so happy for her. That's really, really super great.

Cool story, Jeopardy Contestant.

God, I am glued to my T.V. If Dillon goes to rehab, I will be SHOCKED. (This when I was heavy into that Intervention show on A&E)

Wait, what is it? You're not thinking happy thoughts. I saw my grandmother's vagina. (Weeds)

The 7th grade band just played a warmup scale that made my ears bleed a little bit.

I hate the commercial where the woman eats a five dollar bill.

Live every day like it's Shark Week. (30 Rock)

Cool story, Horrible Bitch. (The Soup)

Next time you're in your car going 50, strip down to your underwear and jump out the door. That's what it's like to crash in professional cycling. (TdF commercial)

Birthday party hangover

Well, the slumber party is maybe two hours from being OVER! Yay Me! It actually went pretty well. One of the main differences from normal play dates, though, is that when she has any of these girls over to play, I usually don't know they're here. Five of them, however is a different story. You just want to beg them, Look, I know you have to scream, but could you do it in a lower register, PLEASE? PLEASE?!? But on the whole, there were almost no hurt feelings due to what-to-play disagreements. That was mostly what I had been worried about.

Around 7:00, two of Alex's friends showed up to hang out. One of them is this huge babysitter, and I think she does it because she LIKES it. She hung out on the floor with the birthday party goers and colored for, like, an hour. It was the quietest the house had been all week. I put the partyers to bed with a movie at 9:00. Choosing a movie, predictably, took about 20 minutes. I used to have a TiVo that I allowed me to burn things to dvd, so Samantha has every single Disney or Nickelodeon movie ever made from a year ago. Then there was also one lone holdout on the sleeping front, again, just as I predicted. However, I got the culprit wrong. After Samantha came to my office tearfully at 9:48 to complain that they all wanted to sleep but Jace wouldn't stop talking, I told her I'd be up to turn the T.V. off at 10:00. All in all, it was a successful party.

When the party started getting set up for bed, Alex and her friends went to her room and hung out watching T.V. Pretty soon there's a knock at the front door, the guy down the block. I let him in but told Alex they couldn't be hanging out in her bedroom anymore. So he came in and the four of them hung out in the family room downstairs, basically texting other people. I know they had fun, because they did get pretty loud once or twice. And just when I was starting to worry about kicking them out at 11:30 so we could GO TO BED, they all left around 11:00. Buckley is a pretty small town, which is allowing Alex a lot of freedom already in the 8th grade. The kids can walk across town to another kid's house, and they can stay up late and still walk down the block home. It's pretty cool. While I know it drives Eric crazy that we get a lot of kids hanging out here, I've had to have the "relax" talk already once, pointing out that if she weren't hanging out here, they'd be doing it somewhere else. At least here we know what they're up to. At one point I even heard her friend telling someone else on her phone that she were here with her friends and her friend's mom.

Anyway, we are now one hour closer to the end of the party! I can't believe I made it...

Birthday Party !!

There are these commercials on T.V. right now -- I think they're AT&T -- where someone comes on and talks about how, if his phone had any bars, he'd get the call that his friends want him to come to Paris, but since he doesn't, he has to stay in the hostel with the Techno Twins, these two other guys who are into alternative dancing -- or the one where the girl is a "Phelps Phan" and won't be getting the call that he's right down the street signing autographs, since she has no bars. The one that totally gets me is the one where the mom didn't get the call about how the big purple dinosaur she ordered for her daughter's birthday party won't be coming but they'll be sending the terrifying T-Rex instead. Then she goes "Yay Me!" in this really shaky voice.

Last Sunday, Samantha came running down the stairs, crying, to tell me that we "forgot" to have her birthday party this year! Yay Me! I'm not sure what would be worse, to have 11 or 12 6-year-old girls over for two hours and get it over with or to have 3 or 4 over to spend the night. We opted for the spend the night plan. We have, I think, 5 coming over right after school, with at least 2 spending the night. The plan WAS to have them jump on the trampoline, go to the grade school down the block and play on the playground, make our own pizza, and GO TO BED. Since the weather is TOTALLY not cooperating, we'll probably hang out indoors and fight over how no one can agree on what to play and so-and-so is being mean. I thought about taking them swimming, but one little girl broke her wrist and still has a cast on and wouldn't be able to go. Yay Me!

On a different topic, yesterday I remember leaving my sister a voice mail about how proud I was with myself because, even though we may be pretty broke this month, I've got our tax debt almost paid off. Then Eric's Check Engine light went on on his way home and the car SHUT OFF three times in about a two-mile distance. Yay Me!