Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Random Stuff

~~ Last night was Alex's awards ceremony for her grades. I had to take Samantha to swimming until 7:00, then get her showered, and got to the awards around 7:15. Everything worked according to plan, except that Eric had sat at the far end of a row of seats and I had to push past maybe 15 people. Well, I'm sorry, but when you first have to help a 6-year-old get her hair washed and rinsed after swimming in your "dress-up" awards ceremony viewing clothes, no matter how hard you try, you are going to be enjoying said ceremony with wet pants from the knees down. I'm sure these people I had to climb over were freaking themselves out for a few minutes wondering what the hell just touched them that was so wet.

~~ Just a couple of my kitchen pet peeves, since it's been bothering me a lot lately. I hate when "people" open the bread, take out a slice or two, then don't even bother to twist the bag back up. The bread on top is hard within an hour. Grab a clue.

I hate when "people" slice off a piece of cheese and then go ahead and zip the bag back up, but leave 2 GALLONS of air, like a fancy balloon with a lump of cheese in the middle. How we fit anything on the same cheese shelf with this balloon thing is beyond me.

I hate when "people" put their dishes in the sink for me to take care of, but, knowing, KNOWING (having been reminded OVER AND OVER) that we don't have a garbage disposal and haven't now for two years, they still leave food on their plate, again, for me to take care of.

~~ On a lighter note, Samantha jumped off the diving board yesterday, into the arms of her male instructor, two things I never thought I'd utter in the same sentence, let alone separately. She has a friend, Martha, who REALLY doesn't want a male teacher. Since Samantha only SORT OF doesn't like having a male teacher, seeing Martha hyperventilate about it sort of put things into perspective. Also, I suspect she was semi-terrified to be jumping off the diving board but, being probably afraid to talk to her male teacher, she went ahead and did it. Her male teacher, by the way, is adorable eye candy for us moms. Just sayin'.

~~ The soccer team has league placement tournaments the month of June where we go to the Tri-Cities for at least one, but possibly four weekends in a row. I mentioned how we should have a cooler of water for the girls during these tourneys and was tasked with being in charge of getting it done. I sent out an email asking each family to donate a case of water or $7 (we also wanted washclothes for the cooler) and that I would be at practice yesterday to pick up the donations. I heard back from two or three that they would be donating. Well, I got ZERO donations yesterday at practice. One mom did tell me they had a case of water. I'm assuming I'll see more people tonight since practice is further away and people will probably be hanging around the whole practice. Not sure, if I don't get any donations tonight, what I should do. I will probably send another email saying if I don't hear from people, their girls will be on their own. Sort of a little perturbed here, but willing to give the benefit of the doubt.

Monday, May 26, 2008

The Non-Confrontational Portion of My Personality

Before I got married, my sister came out to visit me. For some reason, we were staying at Eric's apartment, and he wasn't there. I have no idea where he was. Anyway, Jana and I called in an order to the Mexican restaurant a couple of miles away for 7 layer dip. We went down, picked up our dinner and returned to the apartment, where we discovered that the restaurant had forgotten to include the chips with our dip. We called the restaurant, informed them of the oversight, and stormed back down, swearing and wondering what we were going to be given, free of charge, to make up for our trouble. Upon entering the establishment and letting the girl at the register know who we were and what we were there for, this ditzy blond thing says, Oh, yes, I'll get your chips. She comes back out, hands us the bag of chips, then says, I'm so glad you came back because I actually charged you wrong the first time. You actually owe another $1.40. We kind of stood there like waiting for Candid Camera or something. No one popped out, laughing, from behind a plant, so we meekly handed over the money, took our chips and left, whereupon we cursed like our brother after a summer of fire-fighting in the mountains the whole way back to the apartment. I think we were so stunned, we just paid the money and left.

I've wondered since then, from time to time, why I've got such a non-confrontational gene in my personality, where it came from, and when it would possibly be going away and I would learn to stand up for myself.

The pest people came back on Thursday to pick up the two dead mouse bodies that the other guy had caught using this amazing invention called BAIT in the traps that had sat there, unused, for the past six weeks. This other new guy comes to the door. I tell him that I'm pretty sure we caught at least one mouse and that it's under the sink, but that I need him to check the other traps behind the sink in the cubby hole thing. He asks me how does he get back there. Well, you have to stick your head FAR under the sink through that hole in the back. He looks sort of puzzled. Then he asks me if I have a flashlight because he didn't bring one. I hand him a flashlight. He opens the cabinet and says that, yes, I did catch at least one mouse. He HOPEFULLY managed to cram his head back through the hole under the sink with MY FLASHLIGHT and tells me those traps are fine. While he's performing this task, I mention that the first guy who set the traps didn't put bait in the traps. Go figure. Oh, that's normal, he says. Mice run along next to walls, so you don't need to bait the traps since they don't look at them anyway. As they run along, they run over the trap and get caught. Again, I'm sort of stunned at how my experience with mice has vastly differed from this little nugget of information he has just bestowed upon me.

He then heads out to the garage to check those traps and, yes, I've caught another mouse in one of them out there. He then asks me if I have a plastic bag. I give him one of the precious plastic grocery bags I save for cat litter, again mildly stunned they don't have some sort of special equipment for this. I tell him that I do want the traps reset after he's removed the bodies. He finishes up, hands me the call sheet for my records and leaves. At this point, I sit and ponder his visit. Part of me is so happy that the bodies are taken care of before they started to smell, that I'm initially not too disturbed that when he reset the traps, he followed his bait-isn't-needed format. Then I had a scary thought that since he hadn't brought any of his own equipment, would he be lazy enough to actually dispose of the bodies in my kitchen garbage? I race in to check it out. No, I dodged that bullet. Then I consoled myself with the thought that the first two mice I caught probably went to eat the bait that was there, snapped the trap before consuming much, and died before finishing, hopefully, so that there must still be SOME bait left in the traps.

Since that visit, I've kicked myself up one side and down the other, wondering why I just couldn't open my mouth and request that he use BAIT when he resets the traps. I also thought, Man, I should call that place and let them know about this guy. But no, I just tell myself there is enough leftover bait and that the mouse that had been living here was now gone, so it would be fine. None of the other traps have been tripped, and I KNOW they were baited, so it's probably okay. It just makes me hate myself a little. And it totally reminds me of the chip incident, another memory I can laugh at now, but still totally makes me cringe to remember it. Maybe some day I'll finally grow the cajones to say, Um, excuse me, Gene (he looked like a Gene) but I'm going to need you to haul your chubby redheaded ass out to your truck, get a tube of bait, and bring said bait into my house and USE IT on my mouse traps. Thank you very much.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Text Messages

From Jana:

Who has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? This guy. (The Office)

What do you mean, an African swallow or a European swallow? (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)

You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. (MPHG)

Uncle is crazy! He put a blooming flower into a glass bottle and it melted then shattered! (Samantha about Uncle Scott's fireworks display)

Tracy Jordan key to success: Dress every day like you are going to be murdered in those clothes.
(30 Rock)

For your height, your weight puts you into what we call the disgusting category. Crystal meth has been shown to be very effective. (30 Rock)

They would call me the overkill killer. (The Office)

4 the mare. (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

From Alex:

That's the way Samantha rolls.

Ym moor ah ah. ("My room ha ha" backwards. Samantha had written that on her window, and one night while out making smores we noticed it and repeated it over and over till it turned into a Fiedler family saying)

By Me:

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. (Spock)

I should pitch a show where I just go about my day, except with a camera crew with me and I just judge people all day. We could call it the "I'm better than you" show.

Do you still snore? I'm trying to teach myself to sleep without snoring, so this nap is for training purposes.

I mean, your drunk husband trying to play poker could piss off real players!

By the way, you know who hates unicorns? Mark Walberg. (30 Rock)

You're savoring it? What, you think you're better than us? (30 Rock)

Maybe we'll hit up that barbeque place you puked at." "You'll have to be more specific." (30 Rock)

I even stopped to catch a snowflake with my tongue, but evidently that's some sort of signal in Chelsea. (30 Rock)

You used Ghostbusters for evil. (30 Rock)

"I wolfed my teamster sub for you." "Wait, is that a saying?" It is now. (30 Rock and me)

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

This Makes Little to No Sense to Me

So a month or so ago, I found some mouse turds in the garage and had my pest people come in to put up some traps. The guy also came in and checked out the house and found some turds under the kitchen sink (GROSS) and put up three traps in the little cubby behind the pipes and one right by my garbage. He was pretty cute, which may be a minor part of my story.

Well, Monday was my bi-monthly check that the pest people do. This new guy (it's hardly ever the same one) came in and starts telling me about how they've had to get rid of some of their guys because of some problems and that everything should be fine now, not that I've noticed any huge problems in the, what, 10 minutes a month ago that the last guy was out. So the new guy, I'll call him Michael, starts checking the mouse traps and tells me that none of them were actually baited. The bait they use is in a squeeze bottle, sort of like a toothpaste tube. It's not like they have to go pull worms out of my yard and cut them into bite-sized pieces and season them or anything. Just squeeze the goo out, approximately half an inch of goo. Basically, you're probably talking about three, maybe four muscles working for maybe ten seconds, eight traps total in my house and my garage, four inches of goo from a big tube of maybe 50. I'm just saying.

So I'm like, why wouldn't he have baited them? My sister theorized that his business is pests, so if he doesn't bait them, the pests will stay and he will get more business. That actually doesn't really make sense because he has to come for free since I have a contract. I didn't notice him checking me out or anything, so I think we can safely say he didn't have any designs on the woman of the house. He didn't look like he had any physical problems, that is to say his fingers and opposable thumb were working fine, so I don't think he was having a squeezing problem. Michael said maybe he just didn't want to run back out to his truck and get a new tube because he was out (since I SAW the tube IN HIS HAND), so he just used that tube for show. Okay, maybe slighly more plausible, but still. It's not like he was parked on the street, 15 yards away. He was right in my driveway. He doesn't personally benefit by saving money by not using bait, I'm assuming, since the company probably wouldn't be thinking, Oh, Bill went to ten houses yesterday and used four tubes of bait, and Adam went to 11 houses and only used one. My hero. He saved the company $8.40 in bait. I just don't buy that.

Anyway, Michael filled all the traps up with bait and replaced the three rat traps that had been used instead of mouse traps, seeing as how a mouse isn't heavy enough to trip a rat trap anyway, and there was no concern about rats. The first guy told me that he had had so many calls that he was actually out of mouse traps, even though I'm quite certain the reason I had him come out was that I found MOUSE TURDS in my garage. Anyway, Michael tells me to check the traps in a week and give them a call if they catch anything.

Later that night, of course, I hear a sort of muffled snap. A few minutes later, another one. Yesterday morning I went to check the trap under the sink, which was no longer where it had been. Great. Anyway, I did see the edge of it a little ways away, and I'm pretty sure I caught a glimpse of what moved it there. I immediately called my pest people and told them I needed them to come back out. See, I'm not touching anything, and I want the traps reset anyway, even if I were to move the decaying body from under my sink. Even if I were to tell my husband and have him move the aforementioned dead body, I still want the trap reset WITH BAIT. The earliest they can make it is Thursday morning between 11:00 and 1:00. I checked to make sure the bodies (I'm assuming, since I heard two snaps, that there is another dead rodent back in the space way under the sink) wouldn't be stinking by then (they shouldn't be). I took the garbage out, partly because it is full and partly because I don't want to open under my sink anymore under Michael comes back. I don't even think I'll bug my husband about it. We have a contract and pay these people. It's their job. I'M NOT DOING IT. But I've got the serious heebie-jeebies every time I go in the kitchen.

So when Michael was done setting the traps, he also told me he would check the service log back at the office to see who it was that had been here originally. I felt pretty bad that the first guy was going to lose his job, if he hadn't already, especially because he was so cute. Until I heard that snap, snap. I still might have felt slightly bad until I actually saw that the trap had caught a mouse. Now, not so much. That little shit had lived IN OUR KITCHEN for at least a month, probably more, since the last guy had set his Wonder Baitless Traps. Michael told me that the bait goo, to mice, is like Baskin Robbins. Without the bait, there would be NO reason to go near them. What the hell. HELLO.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Where did the Week of Samantha Go?

Man, I must have gotten distracted last week. Samantha came to me on Tuesday complaining that the inside of her nose hurt when she pressed on the side. Then on Thursday evening, she and her dad went to the park. When they got back, according to them, nothing had happened, but her nose looked almost like it had been burned on the top. The next morning it was scabbed over, about a one inch by a half inch scab, so I took her to the doctor. I normally probably wouldn't have, but because of the earlier incident, plus the fact that when she had impetigo 18 months ago it mostly only affected her nose, I was thinking it was something. The doctor said it might be an infection and gave her an antibiotic. But she has had to explain to EVERYONE (because everyone seems to ask) that, No, she didn't fall down or hit a wall or get hit in the face with something. Then I have to explain about the nose hurting and the earlier infection and how she is on antibiotics. Finally, during breakfast on Sunday, my aunt told the little boy hanging over into our booth from the adjoining booth at Denny's, whose parents were ignoring him and letting him BUG us, that she had just fallen. It was easier.

We all went to Spokane for my cousin's fiance's bridal shower, which was really nice. Sometimes when you leave town like that for approximately 32 hours, you feel like you just got back from vacation when, in fact, you have hardly been gone. So I'm checking my bank account online and I'm like, Oh, nothing has cleared since I last checked. Well, duh, there hasn't even been one business day that has gone by. Our joint account had had a hold placed on it on Friday because a check bounced. They normally just do a 24 hour hold. I called and transferred funds, but I accidentally used that card at the fruit stand in Ellensburg. The girl told me it was declined, so I used my other card, but in my head I'm in a complete panic thinking, How the hell did I use $600 this weekend? That can't be right. Well, it wasn't, I had just used the wrong card. When I got home I rushed to the computer to see why the joint account had been declined since I had transferred money. Well, the hold hadn't even been taken off yet.

We had a really nice weekend. Grandma Jeanne gave Samantha $20 for her first lost tooth. Of course, four hours later, the $20 was lost, also. Samantha just totally didn't care because she was having too much fun swimming in the hotel pool and hanging with her sister and cousin, plus she didn't need money for anything right then. I think that's the part that bugged me more, that she didn't care. So finally, we were in the drive-through, just me and her, getting dinner last night and I said, Man, my stomach hurts when I think about the $20 you lost. That's two months' allowance. Doesn't that make your stomach hurt? It finally did. I know, it was sort of evil, but I wanted her to care. Last night my wonderful cousin Brittany found the money at her apartment, so it all turned out.

Drew's fiance, Jami's, sister Angie plays basketball for Tennessee (National Champs two years in a row), and Angie was there, so it was kind of like meeting a celebrity. She's really cool. Watching her and Jami is a bit like watching younger, taller, and way thinner, slightly less funny, versions of Jana and me! I know sometimes the only ones that think we're funny are me and Jana, but we SO are. But I had someone take a picture of Angie and the girls, which also has Samantha's nose in it, so I will get a copy of that from someone and post it for all the world to admire.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Week of Samantha - Tuesday

I told Samantha she screwed up my Week of Samantha schedule by losing her tooth yesterday, but she was so excited! She got a little plastic tooth necklace with her tooth inside to wear home. We tried to get a picture of her normal smiling, but she's had problems normal smiling and showing her teeth resulting from a weird smile about a year ago. I'm constantly trying to talk her into showing her teeth for pictures, but she won't. Anyway, the Tooth Fairy remembered to come and left her $10. I told her the first tooth always pays more, so she's prepared next time. I remember how disappointed Alex was to get $8 bucks the first tooth and only $2 the second and third.

I have to go in for my mammogram tomorrow, but since I don't go in to Tacoma/Federal Way that often, I also have pleasant things planned to get done. I have to buy some more lavender plants since we gave one to my mother-in-law for Mother's Day. I also got a $25 gift card at Bath and Body Works, and then I found another $10 card that I got in the mail. Wahoo! $35 bucks at BBW. I also need to get a new case for my phone, and I might even get Eric a new phone. He needs one really badly. So I'm mostly looking forward to the trip, except for the fact that I also need some lab work done and can't eat beforehand, which I'm hoping I don't pass out driving in. I'm a serious breakfast girl. If I don't eat again the rest of the day, I'm fine, but I NEED my breakfast.

I just talked to an attorney who owes me $1,300, and he told me the amount had been approved and the check has been sent, which is great, it will allow me to catch up on some bills, but it's also kind of a drag because I don't have that money to look forward to. I've kind of been slogging along in the bill-paying arena lately, but knowing I had these three big invoices out there really helps. Now we're down to two, but I appear to have two big orders in the hopper, so we'll see. My luck, they'll all end up being 4-minute hearings.

Monday, May 12, 2008

The Week of Samantha - Monday

I'm calling this the Week of Samantha. Last week was my birthday, my sister's birthday and Mother's Day, so I have a stack about an inch high of cards and pictures from my chickie that I need to scan and post. Plus, her first loose tooth is literally hanging by a thread, and I told her that when it falls out, I would need to post a picture of her with a gap in her mouth on my blog.

We had a really nice weekend. Saturday morning, Alex's new soccer team not only scored their first goal, but won that game as well. Alex wasn't on the team last year, but apparently they didn't win any games, so we're already better than last year. Plus I think they look really good. You don't watch them and secretly think, "Boy, we suck." They're actually pretty fun to watch. One of the moms asked me what I felt about the scrimmage coming up on Friday night, where we will be scrimmaging the "A" team, the team Alex was on last year. I told her I totally didn't want to scrimmage them, seeing as how they only know one style of play, KILL. And since they have never been taught any sportsmanship like qualities on the soccer field, I'm not expecting any. So they will come out and kill us and possibly turn off the new goalie Alex recruited from her school team who has never played at this level before. I told Alex to prepare our goalie this week and let her know that we may get as many as 9 or 10 scored on us and not to feel bad. I'm not saying they are poor sports, because we actually played a team last year that spit on their hands before they slapped hands after the game. We chose not to participate in the spitfest, and that's not something our team would ever have done. But when it comes to soccer, there's one goal (HEH) with two parts, and that is (A) WIN, and (B) BLOW-OUT.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Text Messaging with a Purpose

I was thinking, now that I have unlimited text messaging, that I should maybe start cleaning out some of the older texts I have been saving. My sister and I regularly text quotes from movies and T.V., so I've saved quite a few. While this won't mean anything to anyone else, probably, I figured I'd record a few every now and then so I will always have them here!

These were from Jana:

Her I loved. (Robin Hood)

She turned me into a newt. (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)

I just blue myself. (Arrested Development)

Strange woment lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. (MPHG)

Shut up! I order you to shut up! Ordering? Who does he think he is? (MPHG)

So where'd you get the coconuts? (MPHG)

The coconut's tropical. This is a temperate zone. (MPHG)

Take a lap. (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

Where were you when I was in high school? I was 8. (IASIP)

I will smash you into a jelly! (IASIP)

and sent by me:

Ola Nerdmigos, hahahaha. (The Big Bang Theory)

I think they shot Peckers of the Carribean here. (Weeds)

I made you a painting. It's called One-Armed Mermaid that's Part Unicorn with Bigfoot. (30 Rock)

Dayman, Fighter of the Nightman, champion of the Sun. You're a master of karate and friendship for everyone. Dayman! (It's Always Sunny)

We got Guitar Hero. Get your Slash wig out of the closet! (Some aren't quotes from anything, just COMIC GOLD.)

Marlee is really playing the deaf angle. (In reference to Marlee Matlin on Dancing with the Stars)

Dr. Spaceman (30 Rock)

Easter, the day Jesus rose from the dead, what should we do? How about eggs? Well, what does that have to do with Jesus? All right. We'll hide 'em. I don't follow your logic. Don't worry, there's a bunny. (Jim Gaffigan - Beyond the Pale)

Oh, well. It's raining shih-tzus out.

Take a lap. (IASIP)

Good times!

Monday, May 5, 2008


Ugh. It's one thing to know your daughter needs braces and to hope that they can get started soon, even though she still has one baby tooth, and to envision yourself paying $150 or $200 a month every month for her braces. It's another totally sobering conversation when the contracts come out and it's all laid out for you. And I appreciate that we do have some insurance, but come on, $1,000 lifetime/maximum is a little ridiculous. Woo-hoo.

Anyway, after the orthodontist, Alex is usually hell-bent on getting back to school, but today she was all laid back, whatever, so we stopped at my still favorite nursery back in our old stomping grounds in Federal Way. I have been looking for some lavender to plant on the side of my house. QFC has these huge, beautiful pots, but they're $30 a piece, and I wanted three or four. The lady at my old nursery even apologized that they didn't have much, although what they had was WAY more than I had found anywhere else. And these didn't look like they were left-overs from last year and they had some blooms already. And, of course, the smell. Then we went to lunch at Taco Time, and we went in and sat down and had a really nice lunch. Alex even said that apart from the orthodontist, she had a great time today!

Oh, on a side note, Samantha's teacher texted me to see if she had some sort of lessons going on today or something she would be wanting to lay the groundwork for getting out of later, because she had complained of a tummy ache. See how that little fart has trained us all to think?

Auction Saturday

So we made it out of the auction Saturday without spending a dime. The auction was put on by, basically, three softball teams. I think there were upwards of 500 people there, which judging by the new tables they kept cramming around in every empty space, was more people than they expected. The room housing the silent auction wasn't very conducive to passing by the item you bid on and rechecking it. It was basically a long, thin room that you entered and snaked your way around to look at everything. Then if you saw something, you pretty much had to bid right then, because the chances of ever getting back that way were slim. Alex saw a scrapbooking kit she thought she might want, but it was already around $50, so we passed. Dinner was really good, although, due to the number of people, it was around an hour or so late. During dinner they auctioned off the desserts, only one of which went for $95. Everything else was over $100. The last cake went for $385. It was about 18 inches high, covered in chocolate and nuts. I can't remember what it was called. I think one bite of that cake HAD BETTER curl your toes, if you know what I'm saying. Anyway, it was a fun time, but we left early. I'm sure they were probably there until after 11:00, at least. The biggest downside: Right when my cousin's wife, Pam, discovered she was the winner of the "Jar 'O Money", I was discovering that, despite my best efforts not to, I had indeed spilled spaghetti down the front of my shirt.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Auction Update

Last night was Southwood de Mayo at my daughter's school. They had a taco bar dinner and a silent auction. Imagine, I actually got heckled by a 6-year-old for slipping and calling it Cinco de Mayo once. Anyway, Alex and I were running around bidding on stuff, having fun. A little bit later, she decides to go home early, so I'm taking her home and she's texting her cousin Molly. Molly asks her if she's coming to the auction the next night. OMG, that's right, we have another auction to go to on Saturday. I rushed back to the auction praying that some of the stuff we had been bidding on got bid on by someone else! We ended up winning the basket full of girl scout cookies, which we REALLY needed, I am sure, and Alex got a pretty green necklace/earring set. We'll see what happens tonight. Since the cost of dinner last night was $7 an adult and $4 a kid and tonight's is $25 a person, I'm thinking tonight may be out of our league, but you never know!